If any man try to convince you that you can prepare for a wedding in 2 weeks time, don’t you dare fall for it. Seriously. You can, but you will die too. At least that’s how I felt the day before I got married.
We had this fight, and also our first me-up. I told him that we will get married in a month, that’s like almost 5 months earlier than we agreed upon during the engagement. I was only a week-old fiancée, and I guess the fight didn’t sit well with me. Nevertheless, our relationship went so much better somehow, so we brought forward the wedding 2 weeks earlier 3 days later. I basically had less than 2 weeks before the wedding.
My parents were really set against it. His parents knew him too well to even argue with him. They called my parents immediately and made arrangements. Daddy almost fainted, he was just so surprised. This is the daughter that was so difficult to coerce into marriage. Now, she wants it soonest possible. Mak was worried about what people might say and after a million arguments or so, she said ok.
Our family tailor, Nyonya, who has known me my whole life, who sew all my school uniforms, my baju kurung when I went to college, my work baju kurung and recently my engagement baju kurung, went to work on my nikah baju kurung immediately. We found the materials; she measured me carefully and dismissed me right away. It was very light blue. Simple yet so hmm… me. Mak wanted a white baju kurung, but somehow during this period of time, I always got things my way. Ampun Mak.
The nikah was at my parents’ house, of course. I had to contract some people to clean the house; Daddy insisted that we repainted the bedroom, some minor repairs here and there. My sisters took extra days of leave and assisted in getting the hantaran ready; find my shoes, wedding gifts and many more. Finding the right caterer was a nightmare! We just couldn’t find one that could give us what we wanted, or rather what Daddy wanted. Finally (thank God again and again!), we found one that could cater to our last minute order and the food was just delicious…
Mak and Daddy had the worst chore. They had to invite my grandma, all my uncles and aunts. That was not an easy job. You can imagine the questions they had to answers. Mostly everyone was nosy about the short notice. Some were quite offended that they were invited at the last minute. We agreed that for the nikah, we are only inviting my close family. As in my dad’s siblings and my mom’s siblings. And that’s that. But then, we realized that these uncles and aunts are coming with their kids. Which means, there will be a lot of people! But I have to invite my aunts and uncles. And some cousins whom I am really close to. But if we invite all of them, we are basically holding a big reception. We spent half a night arguing and discussing and arguing before it was decided that best to just have the reception, invite everyone and not worry about another do later on. I told my parents that I would rather not invite everyone, the whole clan. Just a few selective ones but I had to concede. After all they have given up so much. First thing in the morning, I had to spend almost an hour on the phone to convince the caterer to increase the number of attendees by hundreds!
With exactly a week to go, I had to get the invitation cards printed and delivered. I only invited my close friends while Daddy invited all our relatives. I know some friends were hurt since they didn’t get the invitation, but lets face it. It was my wedding and I wanted to share my happy day with the ones I love and care for. With those who love me and care for me. Why have a bunch of people who doesn’t care much about me anyway.
That settled. Two days before the wedding, I had cold feet. I did. The Nyona tailor called me for a fitting session before I can collect the baju kurung. Once I was in that baju kurung, I felt my chest tightened and couldn’t breathe. I had to sit in the small fitting room and take a moment. It was a perfect fit. I paid for the baju kurung and left the tailor, straight for his house.
“I don’t know whether I can do this”, my eyes watered, my vision blurred, I refused to even look at his face. Next to me, he kept quiet. We sat in the car right in front of his house. His parents probably thought that we had some last minutes discussion about the ceremony.
We sat there in silence for maybe half an hour before my handphone rang. My dad wanted to know when I will be home.
“I am going home” He nodded and got out of the car. I sped off, not looking back, not caring. It was 10 minutes later when I suddenly made a u-turn and went to his house, again. From far, I saw him. He was still standing where he was 10 minutes ago when I left him. Didn’t even see me coming. I made another u-turn and left.
God, I love that man. So much that I am so scared to marry him and live with him and have him hate me later. There is no guarantee of happiness. I don’t think I can stand the pain of him leaving me. I don’t want to get hurt.
When I got home, everyone went ooh and ahh over my baju kurung. It felt so unreal. So fake. Empty of all emotion. I can’t get hurt again. I went through years getting over The Other One. This one, this man, I really love, beyond what I felt for The Other One. What if I lose him. What if?
He called me at 2am to check on me, to find out whether I was safely home.
“Elsa. I won’t force you to do this. If you don’t want to, we can call this off. Just tell me what you want.” That is the first time I detected sadness in his voice.
“You love me and you want to marry me” I choked the words.
“I do”
“I love you. But I am so afraid to marry you. If you leave me, I will die. I can’t stand the pain, another round of pain. The pain of losing you. I really cant, I am not strong. Not like you” And I was crying my eyes out. My confession of love, to the man I have loved since I first laid eyes on him. The man who proposed to me even without my words of love. I cried so much that I had hiccups. Then we just listened to each other breathing. He didn’t offer words of comfort. He offered me his presence as he knew, words had failed me before.
The next morning, I woke up with swollen eyes. Everyone was worried, but they knew better to poke into my business. It was a busy day and I was left alone making arrangements and comfort myself.
The nikah was scheduled at 9pm, after the Isya’s prayers at the Surau. By 8.30pm, I was already made-up, got into my baju kurung and sat serenely on the dais. I couldn’t speak. I repeated Surah Al-Ikhlas over and over again, seeking for comfort and support only from Allah.
Suddenly, my sister motioned me to the window. I got up and Allahhu-Akbar. I saw my future husband, just a glimpse of him walking towards the main entrance. In his light blue Baju Melayu, the one he wore when his family came for merisik. He wore my favourite Baju Melayu. The one that made me steal glances at him every other second when he was wearing it. This man loves me; put my needs before everyone else.
We had this fight, and also our first me-up. I told him that we will get married in a month, that’s like almost 5 months earlier than we agreed upon during the engagement. I was only a week-old fiancée, and I guess the fight didn’t sit well with me. Nevertheless, our relationship went so much better somehow, so we brought forward the wedding 2 weeks earlier 3 days later. I basically had less than 2 weeks before the wedding.
My parents were really set against it. His parents knew him too well to even argue with him. They called my parents immediately and made arrangements. Daddy almost fainted, he was just so surprised. This is the daughter that was so difficult to coerce into marriage. Now, she wants it soonest possible. Mak was worried about what people might say and after a million arguments or so, she said ok.
Our family tailor, Nyonya, who has known me my whole life, who sew all my school uniforms, my baju kurung when I went to college, my work baju kurung and recently my engagement baju kurung, went to work on my nikah baju kurung immediately. We found the materials; she measured me carefully and dismissed me right away. It was very light blue. Simple yet so hmm… me. Mak wanted a white baju kurung, but somehow during this period of time, I always got things my way. Ampun Mak.
The nikah was at my parents’ house, of course. I had to contract some people to clean the house; Daddy insisted that we repainted the bedroom, some minor repairs here and there. My sisters took extra days of leave and assisted in getting the hantaran ready; find my shoes, wedding gifts and many more. Finding the right caterer was a nightmare! We just couldn’t find one that could give us what we wanted, or rather what Daddy wanted. Finally (thank God again and again!), we found one that could cater to our last minute order and the food was just delicious…
Mak and Daddy had the worst chore. They had to invite my grandma, all my uncles and aunts. That was not an easy job. You can imagine the questions they had to answers. Mostly everyone was nosy about the short notice. Some were quite offended that they were invited at the last minute. We agreed that for the nikah, we are only inviting my close family. As in my dad’s siblings and my mom’s siblings. And that’s that. But then, we realized that these uncles and aunts are coming with their kids. Which means, there will be a lot of people! But I have to invite my aunts and uncles. And some cousins whom I am really close to. But if we invite all of them, we are basically holding a big reception. We spent half a night arguing and discussing and arguing before it was decided that best to just have the reception, invite everyone and not worry about another do later on. I told my parents that I would rather not invite everyone, the whole clan. Just a few selective ones but I had to concede. After all they have given up so much. First thing in the morning, I had to spend almost an hour on the phone to convince the caterer to increase the number of attendees by hundreds!
With exactly a week to go, I had to get the invitation cards printed and delivered. I only invited my close friends while Daddy invited all our relatives. I know some friends were hurt since they didn’t get the invitation, but lets face it. It was my wedding and I wanted to share my happy day with the ones I love and care for. With those who love me and care for me. Why have a bunch of people who doesn’t care much about me anyway.
That settled. Two days before the wedding, I had cold feet. I did. The Nyona tailor called me for a fitting session before I can collect the baju kurung. Once I was in that baju kurung, I felt my chest tightened and couldn’t breathe. I had to sit in the small fitting room and take a moment. It was a perfect fit. I paid for the baju kurung and left the tailor, straight for his house.
“I don’t know whether I can do this”, my eyes watered, my vision blurred, I refused to even look at his face. Next to me, he kept quiet. We sat in the car right in front of his house. His parents probably thought that we had some last minutes discussion about the ceremony.
We sat there in silence for maybe half an hour before my handphone rang. My dad wanted to know when I will be home.
“I am going home” He nodded and got out of the car. I sped off, not looking back, not caring. It was 10 minutes later when I suddenly made a u-turn and went to his house, again. From far, I saw him. He was still standing where he was 10 minutes ago when I left him. Didn’t even see me coming. I made another u-turn and left.
God, I love that man. So much that I am so scared to marry him and live with him and have him hate me later. There is no guarantee of happiness. I don’t think I can stand the pain of him leaving me. I don’t want to get hurt.
When I got home, everyone went ooh and ahh over my baju kurung. It felt so unreal. So fake. Empty of all emotion. I can’t get hurt again. I went through years getting over The Other One. This one, this man, I really love, beyond what I felt for The Other One. What if I lose him. What if?
He called me at 2am to check on me, to find out whether I was safely home.
“Elsa. I won’t force you to do this. If you don’t want to, we can call this off. Just tell me what you want.” That is the first time I detected sadness in his voice.
“You love me and you want to marry me” I choked the words.
“I do”
“I love you. But I am so afraid to marry you. If you leave me, I will die. I can’t stand the pain, another round of pain. The pain of losing you. I really cant, I am not strong. Not like you” And I was crying my eyes out. My confession of love, to the man I have loved since I first laid eyes on him. The man who proposed to me even without my words of love. I cried so much that I had hiccups. Then we just listened to each other breathing. He didn’t offer words of comfort. He offered me his presence as he knew, words had failed me before.
The next morning, I woke up with swollen eyes. Everyone was worried, but they knew better to poke into my business. It was a busy day and I was left alone making arrangements and comfort myself.
The nikah was scheduled at 9pm, after the Isya’s prayers at the Surau. By 8.30pm, I was already made-up, got into my baju kurung and sat serenely on the dais. I couldn’t speak. I repeated Surah Al-Ikhlas over and over again, seeking for comfort and support only from Allah.
Suddenly, my sister motioned me to the window. I got up and Allahhu-Akbar. I saw my future husband, just a glimpse of him walking towards the main entrance. In his light blue Baju Melayu, the one he wore when his family came for merisik. He wore my favourite Baju Melayu. The one that made me steal glances at him every other second when he was wearing it. This man loves me; put my needs before everyone else.
At that very moment, every tension left my body. Suddenly, the heavy rock that had comfortably settled on my shoulders just slides away. I went back to the dais, and continued with Al-Ikhlas recitation. I can only seek His guidance, His protection.
Less than two hours later, I was married to the man of my dreams.
Less than two hours later, I was married to the man of my dreams.
2 comments:
boleh buat buku cerita...
you write so smoothly..
:) thank you mak lang. sajer2 la gatal nak menulis.
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